"And so, in continual fear and hope, I crept through these years, bowed under my burden of debt, and carried on with my little business and any other work that came to hand. At the beginning of this period everything went constantly awry for me. So many useless mouths to feed (for my children once more numbered five

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), and the expenditure on food, clothing, wood and so forth, with the grievous interest on my debts, were still eating up all my little profit, and more. My best hope rested on the distant years when my boys would be grown

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and able to help me. But if my creditors had taken against me they would long before have wiped out my living completely. But no! They had patience with me, and I for my part exerted myself to the best of my ability, to keep my word to them in full, if I could, but generally I did so by incurring new debts to meet the old.

The weeks just before the Zurzach fair

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were very black days in my calendar, when I had to spend so many hours seeking credit once again. O, many a time my heart knocked against my ribs, when at three or four houses in succession I met with a Christian: "God help thee!" How often I wrung my hands before Heaven and prayed to Him who turns men's hearts according to His will, to direct one heart to come to my help. And every time my own heart was lighter from that moment on, and at last, after tirelessly searching and knocking on every door, I would find yet a few kindly souls, often where I least expected them. I had a few acquaintances, indeed, who had helped my in my need a hundred times already, but the fear of finally wearying them soon caused me to turn to them only as a last resort, and moreover, if I had failed only once to keep my word to one of them, that source of help would have dried up for ever; so I took as much care over them as if my life hung on it. For the rest, only a few of my neighbours and closest friends knew that I was up to my ears in debt, on the contrary, I succeeded in keeping the matter secret, in concealing my trouble and anxiety, and in appearing to other people cheerful and in good spirits at all times. And I believe that without this well-intentioned deception, it would have been all up with me long before.

For, would you believe it, there were those who envied me, and I well knew that they were constantly whispering, in the ears of all who had dealings with me, tidings which they could not possibly have known with certainty; the word ran: "He is desperate, stuck fast in the dirt, he can't go on any longer. Maybe he'll shut up shop, or go off and leave his wife and children in the lurch. I'm very much afraid that...but I won't say anything, in case he should hear of it", and so on. These fellows would then come to me in the guise of my best friends, to wheedle and whittle everything out of me, and pretending as much sympathy for me as if they would help me to the last drop of their blood, if I would only confide in them, and grumbling about the evil times and the profiteers. And how did I manage, me with my little run-down business and my large family? and so on. Once, I don't know whether it was from mischief or from need, I approached one of those Urians

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to borrow half a dozen doubloons for only a month. My fine gentleman made a hundred excuses, finally refused me outright, and then whispered in every ear that would listen: "Yesterday Bräker wanted to borrow money from me". Indeed, he did make some of my creditors uneasy. Others, however, said: "Ah, but he has always kept his word, and as long as he does so, my door shall always be open to him, for he's an honest man". And so it was these false friends who caused me the most trouble, to whom I could not disclose my affairs, if I did not